The world is so crowded, noisy, and chaotic. The people are individualistic and selfish. The good spots are destroyed. The work is too much. The stress is real. The burden is killing.
In the chaotic world, it would be nice to find the peace and calmness in heart and mind or the people who can give you that.
I used to search it in you, but now, I search it in myself cause it seems like you need to survive alone in this not so friendly world.
I like to call you home and you love me for calling you that. You ever asked me once why I liked calling you that. Oh baby, I wish you knew.
I wish you knew, if I was in the war zone, then coming back to you, was the only reason I could survive;
I wish you knew, if I was tired working at the office, then thinking about your face, was the one reason I could finish my tasks fast;
I wish you knew, If I had to fly away and stay in another country, then loving you would be the only reason I could endure the distance.
Oh baby, my home, coming home is all I want after a long, tiring day.
Oh baby, my home, coming home is all I care about.
Oh baby, I know I am far from loving you right, but you are always be the place I find safe and sound.
Oh baby, I know I am not so good at expressing my feeling, but I love you, with every distance and different time zone, with every dance move we begin to learn, with every ‘take care’ you say to me before I leave, with every phone call you always give me at the end of the day.
So, baby, my home, I love you. I will always come back to you no matter how far, how many more attractive faces I encounter, how many exciting places I have been to, I will come back to you, to what my heart beats for, to what my mind goes to, to what my soul calls for. My baby, my home, I love you.
I want to sit there, on the rooftop, looking at your worried face; I want to stare at those tired eyes and kiss them gently.
I want to hold your hands tight and never let them go; I want to hug you slow and show you that everything will be just fine.
I want to point to one star, the most shining one, and tell you to look at it for a while; I want to be the reason you forget your sadness tonight.
I want to see your face and forever remember its gorgeous lines; I want to capture your sad face and forever promise myself to never give you one in the future.
I want to grow young and old with you. I want to plant a tree and call it ‘us’.
I want you for a lifetime, and on this rooftop, I pray that you will want me that much too.
Now, baby, just rest your head on my shoulder. Sleep there. Be there. Stay there, for I will be forever your resting place.
Now, baby, on this rooftop, nothing will harm you, no one will make you cry, for I will be there, being your home. I love you.
Like a puzzle, I cannot claim my puzzle complete without a piece of you there.
Like a bunch of coloring pencils, I will not claim my box complete without your color in it.
Like a draft of a story, I cannot call it finished without your name in it.
Like a beautiful painting, I will not say it perfect without your touch in it.
And so is my life, I will never claim it complete or perfect without your presence in it.
I want us to meet there, at our usual coffee shop. It has been months since the last time I saw that handsome face. I miss you, Hon.
I want you to wear that cool shirt you are always wearing. You look good in it, Hon.
I want us to meet there, at our usual coffee shop. I want to listen to your stories and get lost in them. I want to hold your hands when you do that. I want to own you, and the place, for a day, and ignoring the people passing by.
I want us to meet there, at our usual coffee shop. I want to see that handsome face again. I miss you, Hon. So, would you see me there?
The title sounds pretty sad, I know, but it actually is not. It is just how I describe my day some days ago, last Wednesday, to be exact.
It was still one of my free or off days. I did not have any special plans or activities that day. It was just another simple Wednesday. I was supposed to meet Iki and Anggi at the school to do some academic related stuff. I was super lazy to go to school. I woke up around 9 a.m. with tons of messages coming from my girls asking my whereabouts.
I was unmotivated to go to school. I got up off the bed very slowly and washed my face. I then had bread and a cup of hot tea for breakfast. My folks were already gone doing their stuff. My father went to school and my mother attended some sort of pengajian ibu-ibu or something. That left me all alone at the house. I was so good at being alone, after all.
I enjoyed my simple breakfast while watching TV. I watched my favorite show and I totally forgot about my appointment with Iki and Anggi. Fortunately, I got a piece of news informing that I did not need to come to school. The thing that we were supposed to take care of that day could be postponed until Friday. We were all happy and relieved. I then spent my entire morning catching up shows on TV and making worksheets for my students. Yes, Wednesday was like a teaching day for me because I worked at one English course around 3 p.m. I had around 13 students there – they were all elementary students, so you can imagine how patient I should be with them.
My mother got back home around noon. I then took a shower and prepared myself. I set off to the teaching place around 1. 40 p.m. The road was empty around that time, so I did not have to hurry. I then stopped by at one printing place to have my worksheets printed. Next, I headed to one convenient store and get myself a drink. I then headed to the teaching place.
I taught from 3 to 6. 30 p.m. It was such a bitter and sweet experience. Some days, I would love my students so much, and other days, I would really hate teaching them that I just wanted to stop. But, that day went pretty well, plus I got my salary. I then headed home feeling happy with the money. I took public transportation if you must know which meant the everyday journey would not be very pleasant but just okay for me. On my way home, I was like having the entire angkot for myself because there were no other passengers. It was around 7 p.m. It made me sad for no apparent reasons. It was so me plus the mellow songs I was listening to. Going home alone with no one to talk to. All I was thinking that night was that I liked being alone but I did not like feeling lonely. Feeling lonely made me sad, depressed, or worse, unloved.
I arrived around my neighborhood around 7. 30 p.m. I stopped by one food stall first though for on-the-go dinner. I arrived at home around 8 p.m. It was always nice to be welcomed home by my parents. At least, I had them in my life who truly cared about my well-being. We chatted for some times, enjoyed our dinner, and watched TV. I loved how I enjoyed my dinner while watching the newest episode of Asia’s Next Top Model on Starworld. It was when I felt like I was somehow living alone in an apartment or something. It was like I owned a place and lived there by my own. I also did not talk much with my folks, but we were good.
Finished with dinner, I then took my evening shower and watched TV again. TV was my friend who could entertain and give me a good company. It could distract me from my own bad thoughts especially at nights. So, yes, I spent much time in front of it. I slept pretty late that night. It was weird though knowing that I could not easily sleep although I was so so tired all day. I could have a pretty bad insomnia sometimes.
Reflecting on that day, I randomly think that maybe one day I can live in the US – New York or other cities in the US – doing my master degree, pursuing my life goals there, and living by myself. It feels good and I am good at it – living alone. I can imagine how I am gonna spend most of my days, and it gives me the excitement I cannot really describe. Yes, doing everything alone and basically just surviving and taking care of myself. I can spend my days doing things I like. I know this is still on my mind, but who knows, maybe some years later, I can really be there in the US living my American dream, plus I can watch more of English shows as I am already doing here in Indonesia. I can really surround myself with that sexy language as I live there, in one of the English speaking countries, America. Hell yeah, it is so good to dream, huh?
So, that is all. That day was actually just a normal day for me. Nothing special happened actually. But, I guess I just love the idea of being independent and having a total control of myself. I never really thought about it before until that night, and now I guess I just need to enjoy other days as much as I enjoyed that day. Life, after all, is about how you live it, right? so, let us turn our crappy routines into more exciting ones.
“But baby, she hates the spotlight, the fame, the fans. She does not need people praise her writings”
“But she needs you, baby, to be her forever reader, her fan, her most admirer. Because when she has you, everyone else will not matter”
“So, baby, do you mind? Reading this piece?”