I once read a quote from Peter Pan saying that we should not be growing up because it is a trap. It is obvious from this that he wishes to stay young and hate the idea of growing up and becoming an adult.
There are some moments when I feel really frustrated about being a 20 year old woman. There are responsibilities, discipline, works, tough questions to respond to, plans, goals, plans again, and routines. Just writing this makes me sick already. It feels like there are constant works and responsibilities coming into my way, and this is not in a good way. Sometimes, I feel like maybe I am too nagging and afraid of anything near responsibility and commitment, but then I guess, I am just afraid of loosing the fun and enthusiasm of a child in me. I am loosing it now.
I am grateful for the amazing childhood I had. I got silly friends to hang out 24 hours a day, I got soil on my shirt, I got my shirt dirty everyday for playing, I got my ankle bruises for falling from a bike, I learned how to climb a tree, how it felt to avoid a dog, how it felt to be chased over by some guys. I got it all. My childhood was a moment I will always cherish my whole life.
I am also grateful that I grew up according to my age. When I was in elementary school, all I knew was going to school with my best friend; coming home around 1, having lunch with Mom; and going outside to play. My days were always exciting. There were always adventures each day, and I embraced them all. I was fearless of the unknown.
When I was in junior high, I learned my first responsibility lesson. It was something like doing my homework; waking up early in the morning; and surviving school with its ups and downs until graduation. It was the time when I first learned how to use a cell phone. My parents got me a cell at that time. I was ecstatic. I got this small phone with me and texted my friends for no apparent reason. I embraced the era of texting gracefully.
Moving onto senior high, my responsibility grew bigger. I got a new phone and was into music. I and my friends still texted to communicate and it continued like that until I graduated. The major thing happened would be the social media wave which brought Friendster and Facebook into my life. Those two were the very first social media I had fun using. The former was even more special because it was so happening during my junior high years.
Going into university was a serious business. Everything changed at this time. Not only in terms of how this world works, like the Internet everywhere and how people are so hooked to it, but also in terms of how I as a person lives. Many things have happened along the way. And I must say that university life really transforms me into someone I never though I would become.
As I am writing this now, I have like dozens of responsibilities in my life. The biggest one will be my responsibility in study. Other than that, I have responsibilities to help my parents and etc. But, my personality changes quite drastically. This is actually why I decide to write this in the first place.
As I grow older, I become more depressed and tend to be sad. I can be so cynical about everything and everyone. I judge, a lot. I overthink. I hate. I hold grudges. The list goes on and on. There are still some good qualities in me, though. It is just how my personality and mood can differ so much at days and nights. I feel like I do not live my life at times, I just merely survive.
I hate this personality of me. I want to be a fun, loving, enthusiastic person that I used to be when I was a kid. I want to bring it back, to lit the passion of adventures in me again, to feel alive.
I then try to change my perspective. I perceive growing up as a fun process. It is true that it is daunting at times with the tasks and the routines, but hey! there are also some cool stuff you can – and allowed to do – only if you are an adult such as watching porn (the first example that comes to my mind to be honest), coming home late, surfing the Internet without limitation, spending money because you are the one who fucking earns it anyway, going to places you like, shopping for hours, kissing, making love (only if you are married, better safe and halal, right? right), and more.
My childhood was incredible. I do not have mind living it again. It is impossible though, so let us be realistic and write about the now and future moment. As a child, we do have some things and wild wishes to be done later when we grow up. Years ago, I was dying to wear wedges or heels, wear a girly bag anywhere I go, and dress myself. I was curious about how to use a tampon for my first period, to hang out with my friends and talk about gossips, and to work. The things we do today are actually the thoughts we had years ago, right? so, we better enjoy it all now.
Being an adult sucks as hell, I know. The thesis waiting to be finished, the job to look for, the horrible boss, the money to earn, the unsuccessful relationship, and so on. But, we can have it otherwise by keeping the enthusiasm alive and staying curious and adventurous just like a five year old child. We can be happier this way.
So, despite the nagging family asking about my future boyfriend, the tiring process of studying, the exhausting process of getting a job and/or working, and the depressing process of planning your life and choosing a career, let us be happy to be an adult. Let us celebrate this life with everything we can, everything we like (minus alcohol though), and never-ending adventures we can create ourselves.
Life is beautiful if you see it so. It is all about perspectives, right? so, let us embrace the adulthood with such grace and coolness and swag if possible. Let us keep the “childness” in us without being childish and keep the passions for life alive in our soul. Okay, I am being a philosopher now, aren’t I?
To end this piece, let me attach my very best portrait. This truly captures a fun me.