Feeling Like Living Alone

Feeling Like Living Alone

I really like the picture. The place seems nice and very organized (Source: Google)

The title sounds pretty sad, I know, but it actually is not. It is just how I describe my day some days ago, last Wednesday, to be exact.

It was still one of my free or off days. I did not have any special plans or activities that day. It was just another simple Wednesday. I was supposed to meet Iki and Anggi at the school to do some academic related stuff. I was super lazy to go to school. I woke up around 9 a.m. with tons of messages coming from my girls asking my whereabouts.

I was unmotivated to go to school. I got up off the bed very slowly and washed my face. I then had bread and a cup of hot tea for breakfast. My folks were already gone doing their stuff. My father went to school and my mother attended some sort of pengajian ibu-ibu or something. That left me all alone at the house. I was so good at being alone, after all.

I enjoyed my simple breakfast while watching TV. I watched my favorite show and I totally forgot about my appointment with Iki and Anggi. Fortunately, I got a piece of news informing that I did not need to come to school. The thing that we were supposed to take care of that day could be postponed until Friday. We were all happy and relieved. I then spent my entire morning catching up shows on TV and making worksheets for my students. Yes, Wednesday was like a teaching day for me because I worked at one English course around 3 p.m. I had around 13 students there – they were all elementary students, so you can imagine how patient I should be with them.

My mother got back home around noon. I then took a shower and prepared myself. I set off to the teaching place around 1. 40 p.m. The road was empty around that time, so I did not have to hurry. I then stopped by at one printing place to have my worksheets printed. Next, I headed to one convenient store and get myself a drink. I then headed to the teaching place.

I taught from 3 to 6. 30 p.m. It was such a bitter and sweet experience. Some days, I would love my students so much, and other days, I would really hate teaching them that I just wanted to stop. But, that day went pretty well, plus I got my salary. I then headed home feeling happy with the money. I took public transportation if you must know which meant the everyday journey would not be very pleasant but just okay for me. On my way home, I was like having the entire angkot for myself because there were no other passengers. It was around 7 p.m. It made me sad for no apparent reasons. It was so me plus the mellow songs I was listening to. Going home alone with no one to talk to. All I was thinking that night was that I liked being alone but I did not like feeling lonely. Feeling lonely made me sad, depressed, or worse, unloved.

I arrived around my neighborhood around 7. 30 p.m. I stopped by one food stall first though for on-the-go dinner. I arrived at home around 8 p.m. It was always nice to be welcomed home by my parents. At least, I had them in my life who truly cared about my well-being. We chatted for some times, enjoyed our dinner, and watched TV. I loved how I enjoyed my dinner while watching the newest episode of Asia’s Next Top Model on Starworld. It was when I felt like I was somehow living alone in an apartment or something. It was like I owned a place and lived there by my own. I also did not talk much with my folks, but we were good.

Finished with dinner, I then took my evening shower and watched TV again. TV was my friend who could entertain and give me a good company. It could distract me from my own bad thoughts especially at nights. So, yes, I spent much time in front of it. I slept pretty late that night. It was weird though knowing that I could not easily sleep although I was so so tired all day. I could have a pretty bad insomnia sometimes.

Reflecting on that day, I randomly think that maybe one day I can live in the US – New York or other cities in the US – doing my master degree, pursuing my life goals there, and living by myself. It feels good and I am good at it – living alone. I can imagine how I am gonna spend most of my days, and it gives me the excitement I cannot really describe. Yes, doing everything alone and basically just surviving and taking care of myself. I can spend my days doing things I like. I know this is still on my mind, but who knows, maybe some years later, I can really be there in the US living my American dream, plus I can watch more of English shows as I am already doing here in Indonesia. I can really surround myself with that sexy language as I live there, in one of the English speaking countries, America. Hell yeah, it is so good to dream, huh?

Source: Google

So, that is all. That day was actually just a normal day for me. Nothing special happened actually. But, I guess I just love the idea of being independent and having a total control of myself. I never really thought about it before until that night, and now I guess I just need to enjoy other days as much as I enjoyed that day. Life, after all, is about how you live it, right? so, let us turn our crappy routines into more exciting ones.



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