I imagine a pair of eyes, but I don’t know exactly what the eyes would be like
I imagine a face, a beautiful one, but I don’t know exactly what the face would be like
I also imagine a person, a man, but I am not completely sure what I would like to see, what kind of man?

It is the imagination in my mind that constantly leads me to you, and strangely I don’t even know “you” yet. Every time I write something like this, and every time there is a “you” in it, it surely refers to my imagination – something abstract, something or someone that I am not sure exist.

The idea of you lies in my head, it has been there for a long time. I don’t know exactly how I make you, how I invent the idea of you, maybe it is because of the movies I watch or the novels I read.
You are like the combination of many characters in my novels, I imagine you to be like this, to act like that, to look like this and that. You are purely an abstract idea for me until this very moment.

It is very weird remembering the fact that every time I read something good; I watch something touching; I listen to something sweet, it is like someone comes to my mind, it is like I think of someone all of a sudden. And this someone is indescribable. This figure in my mind is someone I can’t completely fathom.

The idea of “you” is abstract. I might make it up, it might be only my imagination and creativity. The “you” in my writing might be just an illusion or a fictional character that I invent to make my story perfect. The “you” in my writing might be just an abstract idea that sticks inside my head for so long.

But, this abstract idea can stick for so long, and the “you” remains the same for years
This abstract idea is so powerful that I can’t explain in words
This abstract idea is so powerful that it (or he) appears in every song I listen to, in every book I read, and in every piece of writing I am proudly create.

This abstract idea sticks for a long time inside my head, it makes me asking myself, “Who is this person inside your head actually? Have you met him? Is he even real? Or is he just completely your character that you wish to be real?” these questions are hard to answer.

But, these questions make me realize and suddenly I come to a conclusion, this someone inside my head might be real, he might be someone I met in the past, he might be him, my dear first love.

These questions also make me realize, he might be someone in my past, someone whom I spent little time with yet stay in my heart for eternity. But, he might be someone new, someone I haven’t met before, someone that will come.

This abstract idea is confusing. Anything abstract is confusing because you can’t really explain it, you only can feel it. This abstract idea is so strong for it can inspire me writing something like this. This abstract idea, either someone I already met or haven’t met before, is something I have been praying to be real one day.

I can’t really tell whether this “you” is my first love or not, because even the image of my first love is not really clear in my mind. It has been years. But, one thing for sure, he is indeed so special to be in my heart for this long.

This abstract idea also might be someone new, like I explained before. Wouldn’t be exciting to finally meet him in real life? Wouldn’t be great to finally show him my writing and have him read it? Wouldn’t be lovely to finally talk to him, like the talking I imagine in my head?

Either in the past, the present, or the future, this abstract idea will remain the same. As it goes with my abstract feeling and imagination. But, I am completely sure of one thing, I want this abstract idea to be real one day. I want him to be in my life and not only in my imagination, and finally, I want to finally understand why this abstract idea sticks for so long through him.


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