Despite the passions I have, and the joy I get from doing them, I still feel the loneliness creeps inside me.
I thought things can make you happy, and yes they can, but the happiness doesn’t last long
I often expect something in return – I listen so I can be listened to, I care so I will be cared about, I love so I deserve to be loved. All these, is it too much to ask?
I always say to myself not to complain, not to ask for more because you already have enough. Still, I can’t stop my heart from praying and asking for more, especially for love.
If you think that I am sad when I am writing this, then you are completely wrong. It is not the sadness, it is the emptiness. I love being alone, but I hate the feeling of loneliness, I hate being lonely. It is sad and pathetic.
I think I will be always happy because I can do what I love, and I have the things I love too. But, here I am, finding myself unhappy.
Don’t get me wrong, don’t ever think that I take my life for granted or I don’t enjoy my life completely, it is just the moment when all I want to do is write, and this is pretty much what I want to write about.
I hate being lonely because it makes me unhappy, it makes me sad, and it makes hate myself. It makes me miss my friends, and the need to tell them everything. I, at the same time, don’t want to be so vulnerable.
They, my friends, often say that I am galau. They don’t know me well then. It is funny how people think they know you when they don’t know you at all. They don’t see me behind the closed door, all they see is me being so happy around them.
This is why I appreciate moments more, this is why I appreciate people, this is why I appreciate feelings. I appreciate happiness, the happiness I feel inside me.
I appreciate moments and not things, I appreciate experiences and not things. Moments last longer in your heart and memory. Moments make you feel alive. Moments make you who you are.
I appreciate people and not things. I appreciate the real interaction, communication, the sharing, the talking. I might have every single thing I love, I might have hundreds of collections, but at the end of the day, it is the people that I want to spend my life with. It is the talking with them, it is the sharing, and it is me being listened and understood by them. It is the happiness you only get from people. Things might be there and they make you happy. But they can’t listen to you, they can’t respond, they can’t hug you.
And, I appreciate feelings more than logic. I used to be very logical and cynical, if I can tell. I used to think that everything seems better when you depend on your logic instead of your feelings. But, now, I do realize that feelings are more important. It is simply because it is your heart that you need to impress, it is your happiness that matters most, and heart is all about feelings. At the end of the day, I still take the logic into consideration though, I am still this logical lady. So, I use my heart but I bring my head with me. A strong combination between what you think and what you feel.
And finally, this is why I want to find something that not only pleases my eyes, but also something that pleases my heart. Because, I want to be happy. That is all. And, my happiness means that I am not lonely because every time I feel lonely, I will feel sad too. That is all. I think the point of all this is pretty short and simple; having someone on my side, and knowing that someone is there when I need.
All this is simply because two is better than one and the more the merrier. All this is simply because even though I love being alone, I know that it will be nice to have a company – someone with whom I can go, buy books, eat, study, watch, read, talk, share, and everything else. And, all this is simply because I need someone else too. It is important despite the fact that perhaps I can do anything on my own, that I can be strong and brave and independent enough. Still, I need this someone too – the listener, the speaker, the cheerleader, the friend, the companion, the leader, the lover, and the partner.
All this is simply because happiness is real when shared. That is all.