There are endless nights and moments when I feel so lonely, when I need someone to talk to, when I want to share every worry I have.
There are moments when I am so fragile, when I ask questions such as, “Do I deserve to be happy?”
I am so weak at some points and so strong at others. There are nights when I keep wishing to have a different life so that I would be happier, that I would never feel as lonely as this.
I keep asking questions, I cry, I am afraid of my own terrible imagination. I am pathetic. But then, I realize, I am just being exaggerated. I am exaggerating things. I am blessed with everything I have. Then, I am back to be me, my everyday self, my everyday personality. One thing I believe that in order to be happy, we should make other people happy too. Instead of being so pathetic about my life, I make my friends happy by joking around and tell them funny stories. We laugh together and it makes me happy. I keep focusing on others – on my friends, my parents, my study. Instead of hoping to be listened, I make myself become a good listener; a helper; an advisor; an entertainer; a supporter. I position myself as a giver and try not to expect things in return. I change my perspective – the way I see things, I choose to focus on the bright side of life, on the miracles and not misery, on happiness and not pain, on laughter and not tears.
I turn my music from the mellow ones to the encouraging ones, from the sad and blue songs to the romantic and sweet songs. I smile and once again, I believe in happy ending. I focus on my friends – what they do, their important events, their dreams, and I make myself be the best supporter for them. I do not expect anything, I do not expect they will support and cheer me up, to be there for me, to make me laugh in return – my motive is purely for love. It makes me happy to focus on them, it makes me selfless and more compassion towards my loved ones. I, finally, forget my own loneliness.
Cause you may find her crying at nights, find her figuring everything out by herself, find her solving her own problems by writing, find her very weak that you are afraid to touch, find her in her own misery. Cause you may find that kind of girl, but you may never know, she turns to be a superwoman in the morning. She may gain her strength from those tears and long contemplation, she may suffer and in pain, she may be pathetic, but she is her own hero and cheerleader. She is even her friends’ entertainer, her friends’ supporter, listener, teacher and more. And she loves every piece of it, she finds it useful for her. She finds, by helping others, she helps herself. She finds, by making people laugh, will make her laugh too. And she finds, by focusing her attention to her loved ones and to those who less fortunate, she can be more thankful and finally, enjoy her life.