As the sun goes down, as the stars start to shine and the moon is above the night sky, she is busy thinking – about life and love.
You will see her in a cheerful way, most of the time, but once she is alone, she is questioning many things – like many things running in her mind. And she has been thinking about one particular thing or person or specifically a man, a man older than her.
She does not know how she feels about him. He is a mature man with many achievements in his life. He is passionate about learning and organizing, he is a perfect image for most of women, including her.
She tells her friends about him, she stalks his accounts like crazy, she gets jealous for no reason, she feels like she deserves him, and she might be crazy.
She does not have any special things to offer – no beautiful face, no slim body, no brilliant brain, no elegant manner.
She does like him, she is a kind of girl who loves with all of her heart, a kind of girl who will write about the man she loves. She likes him, the one she is writing about right now, the one she has in mind, but she is not sure – is this love? Does she love him because she loves him? Or does she love him because of the perfect image he has? She has questioning these, yet she has no answers.
She questions her own feeling. And then she realizes that, perhaps, she does not fall in love, she just admires. Should she care about loving and admiring? No, she should not. She keeps thinking about it anyway.
She admires him for his image, for others’ opinions about him, for the scholarship he got, for he living in her favorite city. She admires those all. She admires him because everyone does, she likes him the same way everyone likes him.
she likes the idea of him, the image of him, not him himself.
she knows that the woman he will choose is the lucky woman. She knows she will get jealous, but she is not hurt.
She knows that she does not love him. She admires him and the outer things she sees from him, the image of him without really know his personality and his inner self. She is impressed by him but she does not fall for him.
she fell for one guy, a very long time ago. She thinks he was just a friend, but she knows now, he was the dearest one.
she thinks and asks herself, “Does he the one you really want?” and she knows what her heart says, “no, he does not.” then she asks again, “who do you want?” and the heart replies,
“you want someone, a man, who is willing to fight for you, who thinks you are beautiful with all your flaws. A man who makes you laugh and makes you feel comfortable with yourself. A man who makes you think like you are the greatest. A man who loves what you love about yourself. And a man who falls for you without you trying to attract him. That is who you want.”
She knows now. She is sad and happy at the same time. The truth, the answer have come.
And she says to herself,
“Love is what you feel about someone, the feeling of happiness and excitement. The feeling of gratitude and enthusiasm. He might have everything you dream of, he might be perfect for your definition of perfection, he might be as brilliant as you hope, he might be as passionate as you like. But, he is always there, impress you with the outer. He is always there in his world that is completely different than yours. He is always there, he has caught your attention, has filled your mind with his face, and yet he never touches your heart. You, in fact, are no longer impressed by him. He is just that ordinary.
she sighs deeply, she thinks how something called love can be that complicated. But then she corrects herself – love is not complicated, love is simple. Love is simple when it is right for you and you will know when the time is right.
She smiles at herself. She is about to finish her writing. And she finishes it.